Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman get's her master's.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
Young son: "Is it true Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in most countries son."
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."
When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.