Things to Ponder


1. Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

2. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

5. How is it possible to have a civil war?

6. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

7. If God dropped acid, would he see people?

8. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

9. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

10. If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

11. If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

12. If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?

13. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

15. Is a castrated pig disgruntled?

16. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?

17. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

18. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

19. What happens when none of your bees wax?

20. Where are we going? And what's in that handbasket?

21. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

22. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

23. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?

24. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

25. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

26. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

27. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?

28. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

29. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

30. And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

31. Why do the drive-thru instant teller machines have brail instructions?