NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED!


To Materials Professionals:

Watch out for this contamination source!

The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers.

The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic weight of 0.

However, it does have one neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice-neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held in a nucleus by the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Having no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. According to its discoverers a tiny amount of Administratium caused one reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a half-life of three years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganization, in which neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places. The reorganization process increases atomic mass.

Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere concentrating in governmental agencies, large corporations and universities. It is always found in the newest, best appointed and best maintained buildings. Administratium is toxic - at any concentration - and destroys any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.

Attempts are now being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled, to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.

Promotion (lateral or vertical ) increases atomic mass. Downsizing is mass neutral as only peons are ejected. Bankruptcy seemed promising but the mass just oscillates to new locations in the Known Universe with no change in charm or flavor. This might be cured with a much larger Delatech.